Layout:
Home > A somewhat brutal day - parents and dementia

A somewhat brutal day - parents and dementia

December 16th, 2011 at 01:17 am

My Dr's office called yesterday to remind me of an appointment for a cholesterol check this morning. I'm glad they called as I'd totally forgotten about it. I got that tended to and spent $10 on my co-pay (there's some confusion about that but I'll post about it separately) then headed to Target to get some things for my mother.

Most purchases I make at Target are bought with either the Target Visa or my Target debit card so I can take advantage of my team member discount and the 5% card discount. So today I spent $2.50 for breakfast at Target Cafe and $1.45 for a nice cup of Starbucks Christmas Blend coffee. The lab work was fasting and I was famished and the blood sugar was rapidly dropping so food was a priority! I got $33 worth of stuff for Mom and put that on the Target Visa. I also got $14 worth of stuff for myself and used my Target debit card.

I got to Mom's around noon and we had a good visit, including lunch of hot dogs and salad. Before I left she asked if we could go to Fred's so of course I took her. Smile I spent $4 there then took her home and came back to my place.

So what makes all that brutal? Nothing. It's the fact that my stepfather's dementia is progressing rapidly and Mom is just about at the point where she can't do it all alone anymore. That hit me like a ton of bricks today. I don't know what more I can do besides quit my job and move in with them but it's too big for that, even. I'm at a loss. They don't have the money for a facility and he isn't quite to that point, anyway.

I talked to one of my sisters this evening and the only thing we can think of is for me to quit my job and give up my place, put Mom's house on the market (she bought it only 6 weeks ago!) and the three of us move to an apartment near my sisters so more help will be available. That isn't the ideal solution but it might be the only one.

Do any of you have experience with a loved one and dementia? If so, I could really use your input.....

11 Responses to “A somewhat brutal day - parents and dementia”

  1. twest Says:
    1324001418

    I work in this field at the Area Agency on Aging and Disability. You may check with your local area agency....I'm not sure where your form and state to state benefits vary, but you might could get them some help in their home if that is something that they would be willing to do. I'm sure you have heard of home delivered meals and there a lot of other services that people sometimes just don't know about. Hope that helps.

  2. patientsaver Says:
    1324004369

    I was also thinking of at home care, for the interim, as long as that remains feasible. Your siblings live too far away to offer help?

  3. DeniseNTexas Says:
    1324004843

    Twest, apparently Texas is way behind a good portion of the country in this stuff. There's very little available here. My mom is capable of cooking, doing laundry, etc. That isn't the problem. The problem is that my stepfather can't be left alone so she's with him 24 hours a day. She rarely gets any kind of break and it's going to all get worse, not better. He's pretty quickly deteriorating and her health is suffering now, too. It's just all very ugly and we haven't been able to find any help yet.

    Patientsaver, my sisters live in Dallas, which is about an hour and a half from Mom. I live almost an hour from her, myself, which is why I figure I'll have to give up my job, place, etc and move in with them before long. My sisters work full time and are off each weekend and agreed to come help at least one weekend a month but it hasn't worked out that way.

    I'm pretty sure they have too much money for any kind of Medicaid assistance and other than that, nothing is available that we've found. I'm still looking.

  4. creditcardfree Says:
    1324039168

    If they have money, why not use it to get some paid in home care relief? Isn't that what they saved it for? At least in the short term while you consider all your options.

  5. DeniseNTexas Says:
    1324039373

    They don't really have money. They recently sold their home and paid cash for another one, farther from me. Frown So while they have some money, they don't have enough to do what needs to be done and they have too much to qualify for help. Mom pays a friend $75 to come in once a month and clean but other than that and me, there's no help. I'm really at a loss here. Apparently with Medicaid you can spend down assets to qualify for a facility but we don't think he's at that point yet. I really need to have someone who can answer questions about this and that's on my list for today.

  6. patientsaver Says:
    1324041633

    Here in CT there is a social service agency that you can meet with to figure out if you are eligible for a whole range of social services benefits. There must be something like that where you live.

  7. DeniseNTexas Says:
    1324042304

    Patientsaver, I'm looking for such an entity now. There has to be an easier way to find out all this stuff. Thank you.

  8. creditcardfree Says:
    1324044863

    If you can't find the agency...then call their doctor's office. They might know.

  9. North Georgia Gal Says:
    1324053202

    My mom is going through the same thing with my father. His dementia is rapidly getting worse. My mom is also going through chemo so her strength is just not there. My sister and I took turns staying at the house until she got some of her strength back. I still do her grocery shopping for them as my mom is too weak and my dad doesn't have a clue about what they need.

    They have received help from the local agency for the aged. They are able to have a nurse and physical therapist come in to help, and they have medicaid. It was arranged through their doctor. We also found out that hospice will offer help for payments with dementia, even if they aren't expected to die soon. You might check that out.

    Keep your spirits up. Your parents are lucky to have you.

  10. nance Says:
    1325866672

    Denise, call Social Services and ask to speak to someone about what services are available for seniors with dementia. I don't know what is available in TX, but many states have programs to keep elderly people with health problems, in their homes, and out of nursing homes. Most people who have to go into nursing homes end up on Medicaid, and states know it is much cheaper to keep people in their homes.
    My mom had Alzheimer's and I was responsible for getting her necessary care. The program to keep seniors in their homes paid for adult day care, in a wonderful center, six days a week. My mom loved going there. She went on a van for handicapped people at a very nominal cost for the transportation. When she needed a higher level of care, she had to go to a nursing home, and the Medicaid was already in place because she was in the system with the program to keep her at home as long as possible.
    If you tell Social Services that your step dad has to got to a nursing home, on Medicaid, unless there is help, I think they will find something that will work.
    Good luck. It is difficult going through this. Been there. Done that.

  11. DeniseNTexas Says:
    1325951768

    Nance, I've done that and there's very little to nothing available here. It's absolutely ridiculous and we've been told he doesn't qualify for Medicaid due to too many assets. We're basically on our own in this.

Leave a Reply

(Note: If you were logged in, we could automatically fill in these fields for you.)
*
Will not be published.
   

* Please spell out the number 4.  [ Why? ]

vB Code: You can use these tags: [b] [i] [u] [url] [email]